I took a 10 day retreat from using Facebook. I started feeling some increased frustration with the website and was in much need of a face-cation.

In my mind, there are a few problems with the Facebook method of communication.

1. Lack of relationship building that happens during individual communication channels (phone, email, text message, sitting down over coffee, etc.).

When something is shared on social media, it is not a direct form of communication. When I post something, I make it available for my friends to see. I am not telling them directly and they might not even see it. A good analogy in my mind is when something is posted on a bulletin board. It’s posted and people can see it…but I don’t know who sees it and I’m not sending a direct message to anyone in particular. I’m just putting it “out there”.

When I directly interact with another person, I am certain that they message they are sending is intended for me. In contrast, when I read a status update…I’m not sure if I am the intended audience. This is more pronounced when people “invite” me to an event via Facebook. I don’t know if they are really inviting me…or just selecting all of their friends to receive the invitation. For a person who I haven’t seen in many years, I often think about what it would be like if I attended such an event.

When I write a status update, I’m not sending it to you directly. I don’t know who will see it…similar to my bulletin board example. Therefore, with no direct audience, any information that I share is not done in a way to effectively build the relationship. In direct communication, when I share a piece of personal information directly with another person, our relationship will grow. That person feels special that I thought enough to share the information directly with them. In the facebook context, we are giving up information and not receiving the relationship growth benefit that has traditionally come with it. Sure, people may comment or like our post…but the person reading the information knows that they were just told the same information as everyone else…and there is not a reciprocal feeling of relationship growth. It’s more one sided, where you post something and then these random people will come forward to give you comments. The effect is that we are sharing information with other people, but again not then able to benefit from the associated relationship growth.

2. Audience management issues. When I tell a story verbally to a friend, I will customize the delivery and message to best fit the particular person. I’ll add certain details and remove other ones to ensure that the story is well received. When something is posted on Facebook it is one message that can’t be altered to fit the individual person. As the sender, I also don’t know who will receive the message. At the same time my message goes to everyone and no one…I just know that someone will read it.

3. Message distribution is controlled by Facebook. I don’t understand how Facebook decides to share my updates. In other words, I type my update and after I hit send, facebook decides how that update will appear (if at all) when you log-in. Aside from the settings and preferences that I can manage…facebook has the ultimate control to decide if my messages will appear on the other end.

4. Life After Facebook? What happens after Facebook is no longer popular? Many young people (15-20 year olds) have already left the site in exchange for Twitter and other tools. These social media websites fade in popularity over time. As less people use the website, more of the things we share will not be viewed by the people that we care about. This will lead to a downward spiral where in the end people will no longer use the site in exchange for the “new hangout”.

My Plan
I still plan to use the website for business networking and communication…but I wont be using it as often for personal communication. In exchange, I plan to work to improve the way that I communicate with the people in my life. And by that I mean, working toward more direct communication rather than a broadcast of messages. I believe that these more direct communications will create a more authentic feeling of community with the people I care about…aka: you.