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I took a 10 day retreat from using Facebook. I started feeling some increased frustration with the website and was in much need of a face-cation.

In my mind, there are a few problems with the Facebook method of communication.

1. Lack of relationship building that happens during individual communication channels (phone, email, text message, sitting down over coffee, etc.).

When something is shared on social media, it is not a direct form of communication. When I post something, I make it available for my friends to see. I am not telling them directly and they might not even see it. A good analogy in my mind is when something is posted on a bulletin board. It’s posted and people can see it…but I don’t know who sees it and I’m not sending a direct message to anyone in particular. I’m just putting it “out there”.

When I directly interact with another person, I am certain that they message they are sending is intended for me. In contrast, when I read a status update…I’m not sure if I am the intended audience. This is more pronounced when people “invite” me to an event via Facebook. I don’t know if they are really inviting me…or just selecting all of their friends to receive the invitation. For a person who I haven’t seen in many years, I often think about what it would be like if I attended such an event.

When I write a status update, I’m not sending it to you directly. I don’t know who will see it…similar to my bulletin board example. Therefore, with no direct audience, any information that I share is not done in a way to effectively build the relationship. In direct communication, when I share a piece of personal information directly with another person, our relationship will grow. That person feels special that I thought enough to share the information directly with them. In the facebook context, we are giving up information and not receiving the relationship growth benefit that has traditionally come with it. Sure, people may comment or like our post…but the person reading the information knows that they were just told the same information as everyone else…and there is not a reciprocal feeling of relationship growth. It’s more one sided, where you post something and then these random people will come forward to give you comments. The effect is that we are sharing information with other people, but again not then able to benefit from the associated relationship growth.

2. Audience management issues. When I tell a story verbally to a friend, I will customize the delivery and message to best fit the particular person. I’ll add certain details and remove other ones to ensure that the story is well received. When something is posted on Facebook it is one message that can’t be altered to fit the individual person. As the sender, I also don’t know who will receive the message. At the same time my message goes to everyone and no one…I just know that someone will read it.

3. Message distribution is controlled by Facebook. I don’t understand how Facebook decides to share my updates. In other words, I type my update and after I hit send, facebook decides how that update will appear (if at all) when you log-in. Aside from the settings and preferences that I can manage…facebook has the ultimate control to decide if my messages will appear on the other end.

4. Life After Facebook? What happens after Facebook is no longer popular? Many young people (15-20 year olds) have already left the site in exchange for Twitter and other tools. These social media websites fade in popularity over time. As less people use the website, more of the things we share will not be viewed by the people that we care about. This will lead to a downward spiral where in the end people will no longer use the site in exchange for the “new hangout”.

My Plan
I still plan to use the website for business networking and communication…but I wont be using it as often for personal communication. In exchange, I plan to work to improve the way that I communicate with the people in my life. And by that I mean, working toward more direct communication rather than a broadcast of messages. I believe that these more direct communications will create a more authentic feeling of community with the people I care about…aka: you.

We just purchased a car.  The process was long and painful.  I wanted to create a list of best practices or learnings…mostly for my benefit to avoid mistakes down the road.  These are just my thoughts, not based on research or facts.

1.  Build a relationship with one salesperson. – When you walk in a dealer for the first time, a salesperson will approach you.  This is your person and you should only work with this person the whole time.  If you need to make a second or third visit, call first to make sure that he/she is available.  If you can’t trust the salesperson or don’t like working with them…walk away.  There are plenty of fish in the sea and you need to find a salesperson that is easy to work with.

2.  The Sales Manager makes the decisions.  – The salesperson who you are working with doesn’t have control over the price.  They might not even know what offers will be accepted on the vehicles.  The sales manager holds the data and is responsible for the decision making.  Don’t waste time negotiating with the salesperson…instead, give them your Out the Door price (see next item), and let them present it to the sales manager.

3.  Have an Out the Door Price in Mind. – Establish a budget and negotiate a price “Out the Door”.  This includes all taxes and fees.  Find cars that are priced higher but in the ballpark of your price.  They will never lose money on the deal, your goal is to have them accept the lowest possible price.

4.  Ideal Conditions for a Private Sale. – If you want to buy a car in a private sale…aka: from dude on Craigslist.  Gain a clear understanding of why they are selling.  The best reason is due to a move out of the country, etc.  Again, you need to trust the person.

5.  Follow Instincts. – This works for me, but maybe not for all people.  Trust the feeling you get about the car and the deal.  If you don’t like it, walk away.

6.  Walk Away. – Always be willing to walk away.  If you find a pushy salesperson, you will need to walk away.  It may be awkward, they want you to stay until you say yes…often they will not let you leave in a socially acceptable manner.  You can just say “thank you” and then leave.  You have the money and control.  You can’t fall in love with the car until the deal is signed.  If you catch the salesperson in a lie, walk away immediately.  If they pull high pressure sales tactics, walk away…the car will be there tomorrow.   If you come back, come back in a casual way.  Never show too much interest in a car.  If they know you will buy, they no longer need to give you the best price.

7.  You are buying a car, not making friends. – The salesperson is not your friend.  They want to close the deal and earn your business.   I don’t have a lot of trust in what salespeople tell me.   I also don’t trust any information being shown to me at a dealership.  This is probably a fault of mine…but again you need to trust your instincts.

8.  Determine how you will use the car and then find cars to meet your needs.  – This is surprisingly difficult for us.   I think we know what we want, but then try to convince ourselves that we should buy a cheaper or sub-optimal car.  ie:  We really want X…but couldn’t we get by with Z…plus it’s cheaper.  It’s a wrestling match and usually I can’t pull the trigger on a sub-optimal solution…even if it has the right price.

9.  Mention other deals and research on the fly. – If possible bring a smart phone with internet so that you can pull information on your phone from Edmunds, Kelly Blue Book and other sources.  You can then use this info in your negotiations.  Edmunds will show a lower price, so use that site when buying.  Mention other cars that you are considering.  Don’t be surprised when they tell you the other cars are not nice.

10. Explore all payment options. – Dealers have a variety of payment options and you need to explore everything to ensure that you’re making the best choice.  In the end it won’t make much difference…and also in the end remember that it’s “just a car”.

I might add more items to this list…if you have any best practices that you’ve learned, I would be interested to hear them.

We’re still planning an official announcement…but the move to our new home is complete.

It has taken some time to get settled and moving boxes are still scattered all over.

The new place has been really nice so far, we have lots of ideas for upgrades…but for right now we still getting settled.

At some point, we will share pictures of the interior…but until then, you’ll need to see it in person.

I love this kind of stuff.  Proof that practice makes perfect.